Through the Eyes of the Wolf
by dystmesis
Summary: A short story about Lupin going through one of his transformations. It’s short. In semidetail, I’ll redo it if anyone likes it. Note this is wrote in the Marauder’s time period. Remus is a teenager. revisioncoming


No new scents. Trapped. Walls. Can't run. No flesh. Can't eat. Can't bleed. Moon. Where's the moon?  
  
Remus Lupin knew this was just the beginning. He could feel the moon growing ever higher, even if he couldn't see it. And he could also feel the full moon's influence on him getting stronger. The wolf was coming out, and it did not want to be pushed back.  
  
He was still mostly human, except for the fur, which was quickly consuming him. With an irrepressible sense of dread, Remus felt the floor fall out of balance below him. He tottered, feeling the bones begin to meld and reform to the wolf physique. His legs grew thinner and thinner, while his arms muscled up. Paws had begun to form on both of them. The floor blurred as his face began to conform; teeth grew longer and sharper, his hearing sharpened as he gained the use of the ears, and finally, his eyesight grew stronger, although now in black and white.  
  
The transformation had now just begun, for Remus could still feel control over his body despite it's misshapen anatomy. He curled on the ground, fearful and apprehensive of the night to come. Somewhere around midnight he would lose complete control of his mind and body- becoming forced to fall to the wolves will. Remus knew full well what would happen then. The wolf would want blood. Want to rip something apart. With a shudder, he knew what would be left to rip to pieces. Only himself, only his body.  
  
The sudden urge to tear came upon him. He tried pushing it back, but it was growing steadily stronger. Remus placed his right front paw over his hip. As the desire overcame him once again - as he knew it would - he let his nails rip into the skin. Blood surged out from the wound. His own crimson blood.His own throbbing wound.Yet he was slicing something open. That was all that was needed now.  
  
Remus let out a short, soft sob of pain as he dabbed his hand over the wound. He didn't want to be this. Lord knows he didn't. All his life, he had wanted to be normal and accepted. Yet now, he was barely managing that. James, Sirius, Lily, and even Peter.They would abhor him if they knew what he was, wouldn't they?  
  
The nails raked through the skin once more, sending waves of burning agony over him. The fur from his ankle to his hip was covered in the crimson river. The paws moved methodically to his other leg. With a shriek of anguish, Remus allowed the nails to dig into his body. Deeper.Yes, much deeper than the other leg. He needed to rip more. To tear.  
  
He shrieked as the total shock of what he was doing occurred to him. Slowly, he forced himself to look at the wound. Crimson blood spilling out over it.Four long gashes.White muscles gleaming.  
  
That gave him enough strength to push the wolf instincts back for a good moment. He began to think clearly once again. He couldn't continue to do this to himself. Remus knew he couldn't. One night.what would happen if he lost so much blood he died? Looking at the fast-drying pool around him, he tried not to shudder again.  
  
Yet, his only alternative to killing himself was to kill other things. And who knew what or who was out in the Forbidden Forest at night? Remus longed for the time this curse wouldn't plague him. How would he survive this curse?  
  
He raised his eyes to the ceiling. The wolf knew the moon was out there.  
  
Howl.  
  
NO!!!! Don't howl. No howling. Remus shuddered to think of what would happen if someone found him here. Dumbledore had been nice enough to let him go to Hogwarts. Werewolf and all he was. He remembered Dumbledore's twinkling eyes as he walked him over Hogwarts grounds and explained it all. Remus could also - although to his dismay -- remember before he went to Hogwarts. Living with his father. No telling where his mother was. Not even noticed if he was gone for whole nights.  
  
"DAMNIT!" He cursed and shoved the memories out of his mind. This was definitely not the time to dwell on the past. He rolled over into a pool of his own blood. Fresh blood, he realized.  
  
The natural habits of the wolf rose up in him once again, and he was too tired to fight. Although.something was wrong. Black and white figures were swirling and growing dimmer by the moment. His hearing dropped to low murmurs completely.  
  
"Ahh.shit." Was the last words to escape his mouth before the whole shack went black.  
  
~//~  
  
The next thing Remus could remember was hearing very, very incoherent mumbles. It took about five minutes for his mind to begin to work, sending out signals to his eyes and ears to do their job. When he could see and hear more clearly, he saw the white ceiling of the hospital wing. Sitting up, confused, he listened intently. His hearing went above the level of a normal human since the metamorphosis the previous night, whereas they would surely dull themselves in a matter of a few hours. Though now, he could hear the voices clearly.  
  
"He's just lucky, Dumbledore. I don't know how much longer he would have lasted if we hadn't found him." Clearly, Madame Pomfrey was speaking.  
  
"Nor do I, nor do I.Yet, Remus is alive. I'll have to see about a potion to stop the transformation. We don't need this keeping up." Professor Dumbledore replied. "If you'll come with me, Madame Pomfrey, we'll check on that now."  
  
Stop the transformations? That's possible?! Remus' mind screamed at him. He lay there for a moment, thinking of what it would be like to be normal once more. Before he knew it, he had drifted to sleep again.  
  
~//~  
  
"Shut up, Sirius! Can't you see that Remus is sleeping?" Lily Evan's voice cut sharply through Remus' dream. He stirred and forced his eyes open.  
  
"Well, I was sleeping.you mean." He mumbled, barely finding the strength in his throat to form words.  
  
"Well, bloody be! You woke him up Lily!" James Potter, who was sitting on the left side of Remus' bed, exclaimed.  
  
"Oww." Remus murmured, the voices being magnified by his after conversion back to human. Remus was sure that it would last only a little while longer, and he couldn't wait for the end.  
  
"Ohh, I'm sorry Remus. I didn't mean. I just wanted Sirius to shut up for once." Lily, who was sitting beside James, said.  
  
"Which you know is bloody well impossible, Evans." Sirius replied, smirking at Remus. "Don't you agree?"  
  
Remus nodded slowly and looked around. He just saw Sirius, James, and Lily. "Not that he's ever here or anything, but where is Peter now?"  
  
"Probably in the library. We told him we'd be there." James replied, grinning and pushing his glasses up some.  
  
"Why would you tell him where you go, James? It's so idiotic." Lily stated.  
  
"Because, Lily, I have no intentions of visiting the library for the next week." James replied.  
  
Remus was about to say something when Madame Pomfrey spoke to the group. "Visiting hours are over, you three."  
  
"Aww." Sirius said, then, turning to Remus, he added, "we'll be back tomorrow. We've got a story to share about Pettigrew and a certain tramp. It's sure to cheer you up."  
  
The bed-set boy laughed and nodded. "I'll be expecting you."  
  
"Yeah. So, see you tomorrow Remus." Lily said, standing and walking to the door.  
  
"Later Lupin. Don't be afraid to call if you need us. " James said as he stood. He and Sirius left the bed and went to the door with Lily. Remus listened to their footsteps as they walked down the hall.  
  
Lupin sighed and collapsed harshly once more onto the pillow. Immediately, the nurse came over to him.  
  
"Everything alright?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Yes ma'am. I'll be okay. I'm just tired." He watched as the nurse walked out of the room. He then moved his arm under his head and whispered, "Yeah. I will be alright." 


End file.
